It has been one of those days, weeks, and months for me.
I feel like a failure, and that feeling is the worst. I’m one of those people who tries to look on the bright side and focus on the good in life. I have a lot of good things happening and to be grateful for, but it all seems to be marred but the failures and areas where the ball has been dropped this month.
Thus I want to start with the good this month.
I made a plan to decrease my work load by eliminating 2 videos per week. That opened up some hours to dedicate towards promotion and marketing. Of course everything is subjective, however it seems to be working. It looks like this month I am going to double my best view and watch time! I’ve also gain more subscribes this month than in the past 3 months put together. So the youtube front has been a success.
I’ve put more effort into my blog, and as a result I’ve been writing more, which is always great. I’ve gain 7 followers. I know that as far as blogs go that isn’t a lot. However those 7 people mean the most to me. (From the bottom of my heart thank you.)
I love writing but it is something I’m insecure about, the idea that there are people who like my writing enough to follow me, gives me hope, and inspires me to not just continue this blog, but to chase bigger dreams. (again Thank you)
There has been lots of growth on my blog, twitter, and my facebook page. Considering the amount of work I’ve put into each endeavor, it is very satisfying to see it all paying off.
This month though I’ve really dropped the ball in my revisions, and personal life.
I was hoping with less videos per week that I would have more free time that I could have some days where I spend with the family, or just go grocery shopping without stressing about all the work I needed to do. I wanted to spend time on my personal health and exercise, which just hasn’t gone to well.
I thought that by the end of January I would be done with manuscript. I even talked to my sister scheduling time for her to critique it in FEB. But the revisions haven’t happened and there isn’t a finished product to critique.
Both of these failures have left me feeling like crap.
I’m to the point where Youtube isn’t a hobby anymore. I have a 2 year short term plan and a 5 year long term plan. I want and hope that I am able to succeed and turn this channel into a platform where I can interact with other writers, readers, and people. I would like to be able to show off the books I’ve written, and the things that I’ve discovered in Belgium.
However all of that takes time. A lot of time, and sometime for all the effort there isn’t much to show for it. OR it is small and slower that I anticipate, which is discouraging. I’m constantly asking myself: Am I being stupid? Am I wasting my time? Should I just quit?
The sad thing is there are days, like today where; I think I am foolish, that I am wasting my time, and if I was smarter I would stop. I don’t though, because honestly, it is just too much fun, and there is this tiny spark of hope. Maybe I can prove myself wrong and succeed. Then I can tell myself “I told you so” (wouldn’t that be fun!)
I wish I could have this same hope for my writing.
I can’t adequately describe the difficulties I’ve had this month with revising. It started with me being overwhelmed with the amount of work involved in editing. Now I’m plagued with self-doubt. I keep thinking there is no amount of editing that I can do that is going to make my story worth reading.
I know I am not alone with these feelings, which helps a small bit. I also know that this is the internet, and that there are people who would love my book. I know that the only way to succeed is to try.
Knowing that, doesn’t make it easier though.
So January is a complete failure, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t a success.
True failure; is failing and refusing to try again.
February is a new month, with a new plan and some surprises. This month showed me that what I am doing now isn’t the right path to success, thus I am changing it.
I think it is going to be better. I have some great surprises and announcement to share with everyone next month and in march!
Don’t let your failures get you down so low, that you want to give up. If you need to take time to go to that dark place and cry, then do it. But remember!! You need to get back up, and back to work!
If you need some more of a pick me up. Then here is a video of Inspirational Quotes!
Keep going Stalkers. We all are going to get to the finish line!
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